Dear Niall,

Dear Niall,

You were unforgettable ever since you went on X Factor. I, along with much of the watching world, instantly fell in love with you. Your Irish accent, your energy and your charm. I’m glad Katy Perry gave you the 3rd yes you needed! 

It’s hard to explain why I am so attached to One Direction. You are each artists that have grown from a squirrelly teen boyband to talented twenty somethings in the music industry. And this happened around the same time I have grown from a an awkward teen to a confident woman. Your music has evolved album by album as we have grown up year by year. Once my friend showed me a Story of My Life shred on YouTube and I couldn’t watch it all the way through because I felt like someone pooped on one of my favorite songs. Though I’m sad to see the end of such a lovely group, I’ve enjoyed following the five directions you have pursued since. 

I had heard a few of your singles, and I finally listened your debut album all the way through today on Spotify. You seemed to be one of the more goofy and carefree One Direction members, so I was surprised by what I heard. Less of the boy band pop ballad ear candy, and more mellow, lyrically driven pop. 

I’m so glad you made a solo album. Lots of people can sing, but to sing AND play guitar AND songwrite—- hats off to you!

Thanks for reclaiming your older brother’s neglected guitar, for that unmistakable spark (or dare I say flicker…) you have, for your unmistakable Irish accent that hasn’t been watered down through the years, and for writing and singing this album. 

I like it a lot. 

My favorites: 

  1. Too Much to Ask- The first full song I’ve heard you sing! It’s nice to know that guys take time to move on after breakups too. Also, nice range! 
  2. Fire Away- “I will steady your hand, when you’re losing your grip.” Lyrics, vocals, accompaniment, track… perfect.
  3. This Town ❤️🧡💛

That being said I enjoyed every song. Can you tell that I like this album? 

I like it a lot. 

Rachel 

P.s.- You and a plus one of your choice are invited to my wedding this summer. 

A Review and An Opportunity

lion

I watched the film Lion last night with some friends and can’t stop thinking about it. It is based off of the biography of Saroo Brierley, A Long Way Home. We follow the story of a young Indian boy who becomes separated from his family and lost miles and miles away from home without a soul to help him find his way back. He is placed in an orphanage, and after a fruitless search to find his family, is then adopted by a couple from Australia.

Here is one of my favorite scenes. Don’t worry, no spoilers here.

Saroo is with a gathering of his Indian college friends in their home and goes to the kitchen to get a beer. On the way back he seems some jalebis, a bright red fried Indian dessert, on the counter. He has a flashback to being with his older brother Guddu in the town market where there are hot sizzling jalebis being made. As his girlfriend and friend walk in, they ask if he is ok.  He seems frozen in time and says,

“I’m not from Calcutta… I’m lost.”

This ushers in the heart of the story, as Saroo begins his journey to find his original home, his biological family and ultimately, his place.

This film was beautifully and artfully made. I was impressed with the casting, especially Sunny Pawar (who played Young Saroo) whose eyes spoke so much, Dev Patel (who played grown up Saroo, whom you may remember from Slumdog Millionaire) and Nicolle Kidman (who played Saroo’s adoptive mother). The soundtrack is mostly instrumental and adds to the raw emotion of the protagonist’s searching. The camera frequently panned from Saroo’s past recollections to his current realities seamlessly and without fadeouts as if his mother and him were in the same place. I felt like I was in his head, experiencing his journey to reconcile two vastly different and fractured realities. Much of the dialogue is in Hindi and Bengali with English subtitles. The language paired with the amazing cinematography opened my eyes to the beauty of India, so much so that I found myself wanting to go there.

The most poignant part of the story to me was seeing how vulnerable Saroo was as a child lost in Calcutta and cut off from the protection of his family. Multiple scenes in the film alluded to the sobering reality of child trafficking. One woman we witness in the story as the first person to notice lost Saroo and show him compassion.  She befriends him, takes him in, feeds him, bathes him and clothes him. Only for us to find out that she has picked him up in order to pass him on to a man who will use him for some purpose of child labor trafficking or sex trafficking. This was one of three very memorable scenes related to this issue that was heartbreaking to witness.

I would encourage you to watch the film, if you haven’t already seen it. It’s a moving, engaging and compelling story. I hope I have told you enough to get you interested, but not too much to spoil it for you. 🙂 It’s on Netlflix, so get on your account, or find a friend to watch it with that has one.

I also want to encourage you to something deeper.

Human trafficking is a reality that is more rampant than this film could possibly address. More than 45 million people are trapped in slavery right now. India in particular is estimated by some sources to have more slaves than anywhere else in the world. According to the International Justice Mission, “While India has strong laws against both sex trafficking and forced labor,  historically, these anti-slavery laws have not been enforced, and traffickers and slave owners have exploited children, women and men with impunity.”

International Justice Mission is an organization that is a voice for the vulnerable. They are doing something about this woe of our time that cannot be ignored. As this is a complex issue, they are tackling it holistically. They work with local police to rescue victims, bring criminals to justice, restore survivors and strengthen justice systems. More on this here.

Often when we see yet another issue plaguing our time we get what researchers call “compassion fatigue.” We see so many horrible things in the news, and maybe in front of our eyes that we begin to feel tired of caring. We feel to paralyzed to take any action or advocate. I ask that you take time to enter in to this one issue, and let yourself feel. Care.  And act.

Would you join me with a $25 gift to IJM’s work in India? If even just 7 of you join me in giving, we will be able to provide access to medical care for a survivor of sexual abuse.Screen Shot 2017-08-05 at 8.58.22 PM

That is the price of a nice meal out with a tip.  Or 5 lattes. For a small sacrifice we who are privileged with freedom can impact those who are in slavery.

Click here to learn more about IJM and to give.

Thanks for letting me share this journey with you. I would like to challenge you to be a part in other ways but more on that later. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me!

“But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.” Amos 5:24

Listen, Repeat

Do you ever have a song you hear and love so much that you can listen to it over and over again and not get tired of it?

Here’s mine right now. 🙂

I first heard Audrey Assad when I went to the Rend Collective Experiment concert in Lancaster a couple weeks ago with these cool kids.

Such a fun night!

Screen Shot 2013-12-07 at 2.38.20 PM

Look it’s us! I’m in the very front two right of the flannel man.

She was one of the opening bands. She’s an artist that sounds just as (actually MORE) incredible live and unplugged as she does on her album. It really gains my respect when artists are so authentic that they are talented and striking without a backup band, without a music video, without autotune or much editing in a studio.* That credibility in their authenticity. I think my friend Kristin described Audrey Assad well, she writes albums of “incredibly beautiful, worshipful songs.”

Here are the lyrics for you to look at as you listen. SO. Good.

I Shall Not Want

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

No, I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

*This is also part of why I like Justin Bieber for the record, haha. If you haven’t heard his acoustic album or seen this video of when he was younger please watch them before you keep judging and hating.

Adios, Debt!

This month I made my last payments to pay off my credit card debt! How’s that for something to be thankful for!?

So, just a disclaimer- I’m not anti credit card. I’m a firm believer that if it’s treated like a debit card where the full bill is payed off the end of the month- then it’s a great way to build good credit for when I will need it someday. And even cards that have 0% APR have some pretty nice benefits. The one card I have I get cashback when you register for that quarter’s benefit- ex. 5% on online shopping.  I literally bought a book the other day on Amazon for free with my cashback. Legit. And with my other credit card I get an extra free checked bag when I fly United and get extra miles each time I make a purchase. Right now I have enough to take a trip to California and back for free.

But somewhere along the way this summer my expenses exceeded my income, and I neglected to pay it off at the end of each month, mess.

And then I was paying money for owing money. That just made me sad. Money I’d rather have go somewhere I want it to go.

But more than sadness, there was fear. I have had mini panic attacks just discussing finances with others. Literally the way I have given in to fear of money and debt caused my pulse to quicken, my breathing to shallow, my limbs to get jittery and my mind to go panicky as if a Mack Truck were pummeling towards me. I had I hadn’t really figured out a system to figure out exactly how much money I truly have to my name, and how much I owe with loans and credit cards so it was this big nebulous thing over my head, pressing down on my shoulders.

While money can be anxiety producing for myself and I am sure others, I am learning that it doesn’t have to be.

Our Father in heaven knows what we need before we even ask him (Mt 6:8) and He gives good gifts to his children (Luke 11). He owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10). Now obviously cattle is not a status symbol today like it seemed to be in the culture of the Psalm writer. I think a modern day way to think of that would be that God owns all the Crown Jewels, all of the designer wear, all of the capital everywhere ever, all the precious metals and all the oil. Money is all in His control and at his disposal. Thus I can trust as His daughter that he is both a loving and capable provider for my needs.

And one of my favorite verses of all time speaks to this,

1 John 4:18a- There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.

Growing in my understanding of God’s perfect love is leaving less and less room to fear money or debt or my needs not being met.

On the practical side in terms of resources that help with money management, Mint.com is a great website that is very user friendly and very helpful in figuring out budgeting and saving.

I’ve also heard great things about Dave Ramsey’s course Financial Peace University, and his book Total Money Makeover. Both of which I plan on checking out to learn more about money management.

And while obviously humans are not to be a means to an end but an end themselves, I have found that people are the most helpful resources. Talking about my financial situation, and questions about finances with someone I trust has been super helpful and makes everything a lot less scary and confusing. Just talking to a handful of close friends has made the world of a difference with this for me. They have directed me to helpful financially savvy people and resources.

I think I want to go look at it again. Zero minimum balance to pay. Zero outstanding balance to pay. Zero ugly debt bricks on my shoulders. WAH pa pa pa pa pa POW!

Now, for the student loans… oh dear… haha but for now I will celebrate this little victory of being closer to being debt free.

Seriously, I feel like I should make a cake and throw a party.

Thank You, Little People

Since this summer I have had the privilege and joy of living with a local family as my first place to live since graduating college. Mike & Bec have a lovely family and lovely home- both of which they have truly welcomed me into. In the spirit of the season, I want to share something I am very thankful for: having their three little people- Ellie, Ezra and Josiah- in my life. I hope you enjoy the video I uploaded of us being silly during when I babysat them most recently.

Every morning when I wake up and come upstairs from the furnished basement in which I dwell, I am greeted by Ezra exclaiming, “RAAAACHEL!!” as if I were a unicorn or some equally magical being to happen upon entering your kitchen. Makes me feel like a million bucks. Ezra is a little shy when you first meet him, once you get to know him you will see he is a very funny, affectionate, smart little guy.

One of my favorite Ezra quotes:
Me: “What does the fox say, Ezra?”*
Ezra: “…. I AM the fox!!!”

Ezra also enjoys “BAD goats” like the one he saw at the Bloomsburg fair that kept trying to jump the fence. Before the last time I babysat, when I asked him during when we were praying what he wanted to thank God for, he said his teachers at school and dangerous trees.

Ellie is imaginative, intelligent and outspoken. I first met her on the day that Mike and moved from Melbourne, Australia to central PA and I remember she instantly became my friend and show me around her new house.

This is what Ellie said when we watched the What Does the Fox Say video*
“I KNOW who knows what the fox says. GOD DOES! He knows EVERYTHING.”

Ellie also really likes the minions from Despicable Me and likes to draw.

Josiah is the baby of the family. He has the bluest blue eyes and is growing so fast. Whenever I have gone out of town, he looks different when I see him, I kid you not. He learned to crawl at a very young age, is cruising now and I’m sure walking will not be too far off. I can tell already he loves being outside, and loves to be active.

I love children. One of my favorite things about them is they have this wonder and delight in life that I believe we as adults can learn from. They think the silliest things like peek a boo are enough to choose to laugh and smile. Yes, they do not have to worry about paying bills, government shutdown, life plans. But I honestly hope I am never take myself so seriously as an adult that I don’t stop to smile, laugh, play, delight in discovering the community, town and world around me.

Thank you God for creating little human beings. Have you honestly ever thought about it? God could have had humans reproduce through budding like a single celled organism does. You get a little bump on your arm, and then this thing growing on the side of you grows and grows and in a couple of days it is a fully formed adult that pops off and is a new person with your genetic makeup. But instead two lives can create a life- that comes into the world and slowly grows up into an independent human being with years of guidance, care and love.

Ezra, Ellie and Josiah, and all the little people out there, thank you for teaching me a thing or two. I pray for the people you are becoming and am thankful for you!

*If you do not know what I am talking about, please watch this video before proceeding.

Untitled No. 5

walls. stacked high.
by the minute upon minute bricks booked full in the dayrunner

walls. keeping the silence out.
keeping the frantic busied mind in

for what havoc would be released
what monsters awaken in
still.
rest.

who would BE without the WHATS to do?
what loose strings untied?
what affections denied?

so we’ll stick on one more gold star for you.
one more to your stack of ribbons and plaques
hurrah for the shiny new letters next to your name

hats off.
what’s next?

ne’er to stare down.
the mess.

To Create.

Hello world of the internet. Combos of ones and zeros that make this cyber world. And the breathing beings who read this.

I am starting this blog because of a deep desire within me. Often I think on it, rarely I share, but always it is there. I want to create. To bring something into being that was not before. To take an IDEA and go forth in the process into REALITY- the theoretical to the physical, a “what if” to a “what is” that you can see, touch.

You should see my stockpile in the cabinet of art supplies. Sketchpads. Canvases. Acrylics. Watercolors. Charcoals. Pencils. Pens. Construction paper. You should see my awesome ideas too! Rough sketches of ideas on notebook paper, pinned inspiration. The paint tubes are full, the sketchpad remains stock full of white pages, the canvases are all blank.

They sit. Empty. Uncreated.

Ever since I was a toddlerling I have been a little artist.  My Aunt Sally called me the Poky Puppy, and just like the character in children’s book I was the one who lagged behind, lingering looking at a flower, a fallen leaf, a butterfly. I have always loved to see the beautiful and bring beauty into being. In the sixth grade I won our school spelling bee. I could see that each letter made a key contribution, and to jumble or forget them was a travesty to the word, sentence, paragraph- delicate meaning that ought to be the way it was to be. In eighth grade I taught myself to play guitar off of how to pages and youtube videos when all the boys quit guitar club after a month to join soccer club. In high school I devoured all the art and music classes I could get. I played piano in my empty auditorium concert hall, filled my sketchpad, sang solos, taught and conducted my favorite song to the choir I was in, wrote poetry, sang in a choir that was selected one of four in the nation to sing Brahm’s German Requiem in Carnegie Hall. In the creative process was a secret garden where time stopped and the ever changing world muted in rest.

When I applied to colleges I thought about studying music education. I told this to my choir teacher after I decided to go to Penn State after explaining to me how rigorous the program was, he told me, “If you can picture yourself doing anything else, do it.” I knew I was far from the level of talent and devotion needed and never looked into it. I sang in choirs for my first two years, took voice lessons for a couple months, but didn’t stick with either. I choked on a number of different tryouts for solos and choirs.

Somewhere along the road, I came to the realization that I had become a person who didn’t sing Phantom of the Opera in the shower anymore, have callouses on my fingers, doodle on sermon papers and paper menus. A person who even crossed out the first sentences in a journal, who was too afraid to create. Too afraid to try and bring some terrible failure into being, or worse, some meaningless and not-worth-noticing piece of crap. I believe that which one creates is incredibly intimate- a piece of the inner world of self- be it a thought, a feeling, a moment- that is brought into the outside world. To be loved, hated, or even worst, ignored. Thus I hold the act of sharing one’s creations with the world- whether art, song, poetry, writing, whatever- as an incredibly courageous act. A bold move to create, and a bold move to share. 

I don’t know if I will finally sit down and figure out the guitar chords for the song I wrote, contact coffee shop I’d like to display my paintings and drawings in, or fill up my sketch pad this week. But today made a blog! This is my step of courage to create.

And YOU, my reader friend, welcome. You can trust that this blog space will be a place for you to hear what I’m learning about life, relationships, God. A place where I hope to share stories, poetry and laughter. I hope you will grab a cup of coffee with me, sit down in a comfy chair, and stay.